“I no longer believed in the idea of soul mates, or love at first sight. But I was beginning to believe that a very few times in your life, if you were lucky, you might meet someone who was exactly right for you. Not because he was perfect, or because you were, but because your combined flaws were arranged in a way that allowed two separate beings to hinge together.”
To love. To be loved. To never forget your own insignificance. To never get used to the unspeakable violence and the vulgar disparity of life around you. To seek joy in the saddest places. To pursue beauty to its lair. To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple. To respect strength, never power. Above all, to watch. To try and understand. To never look away. And never, never to forget.
Knowing her, I had pre-conceived thoughts that it’s probably some minuscule matters such as not striking lottery, not being able to fulfil some random appointment, so on.
“I just got to know that my best friend passed away 3 years ago from cancer.”
I had to process this information for a bit. This was a best friend that my mum constantly mentioned over the years, but her greatest regret was to lose contact with her. Nobody knew how she led her life, and sometimes life just consumes us - work, spouse, kids, everything.
“I bumped into her younger brother today morning, and got to know about it. So many years I’ve been trying to look for her and this is the only update I got.”
I remember years back, we tried to search her up on social media, when my mum first started her Instagram account. That gave her a glimpse of hope that she would be able to reconnect with her best friend. But to her dismay, we were unable to find any traces. Knowing my mum, she just decided to give up, and life goes on.
“I tried all ways and means wanting to keep in contact with her. I gave her my house number, my mobile when I first got it in the 90s, everything. But I did not hear from her. So it left me wondering all this time, whether she was okay.”
“Mummy, maybe she had her battles to fight. But I do hope that she had a good life before she passed.”
I could see the lingering sadness, all the regret. So many questions unanswered. So many kopi sessions they could have had. So many life updates… only left to be buried.
Mum then started to reminisce the past with her best friend, and one core memory was how her best friend told my dad to cherish my mum, because she’s a “fish that’s hard to catch”. Did that materialise? Not really. But it was something that my mum held with pride; her best friend knowing her, well, best. Because mum’s character had crumbled and weakened over the many years, but her best friend will remember her as how my mum truly was - a strong, stubborn, grounded woman who will not let anyone trample her all over. A mum that I’ll probably not recognise, but I do wish she had preserved.
Hello Auntie, I hope you had a good life before you passed. Just wanted to let you know that my mum missed you dearly over the many years you both lost touch, and even more so now that you’re gone. I hope you can pay her a visit in her dreams, perhaps a toast to your friendship.
A part of being an adult is living with regret and not allowing it to consume you. The older you get, the more mistakes you’ve made, opportunities you’ve missed, people you’ve disappointed. And every day you have to remind yourself to be kind and forgiving of yourself. You accept and love the you from the past and understand that it’s all a part of the process. Then you move on and live your best life, knowing now as old as you feel today, you’ll never be this young again.
